Feel Good Sisterhood

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22.1 Silencing the Inner Critic

She will never go away, but you don’t have to believe her

The inner critic is the bad roommate who shows up after the instant gratification monster has done her damage & says, “I told you so,” “Now you really made a mess,” or “You’ll never recover from that mistake!”

Although we will never be able to get rid of her entirely, through continuing to do thought work, we can understand when she’s subtly getting in our way, and how to quiet her voice so that we don’t pay attention to her anymore.


All right, so in this video, what I want to talk about is silencing the inner critic. And I may have mentioned this before, I don’t really recall. But one of the most profound things that my coach and mentor Brook taught me was that if I was willing to feel any emotion, then I could accomplish anything. And it really changed my life.

Another coach added a spin to it or added something else to it that really became profound. So, the other piece to it is we’re not afraid of failing. We tell ourselves that we’re afraid of failing, but we’re really not.

We’re not afraid of other people’s judgment. We think we are, but we’re actually not. What we’re actually afraid of, the reason that we don’t want to fail is not because of the failure itself. Because if it didn’t mean anything, if it wasn’t important.

So, let’s say, for example, I gave you a ball and I said, okay, hit this mark three times and you didn’t. You really wouldn’t care. Right? Because there aren’t any stakes at play there. What we’re worried about when we put ourselves out there and we risk rejection is the inner critic, what we will say to ourselves on the other side of that failure. That’s what we’re worried about.

What we’re worried about is what we’ll say to ourselves after we don’t do what we think that we’re going to do. We’re not afraid of judgment, we’re afraid of the inner critic judging us. And so, it’s really super important through yourself coaching that you pay attention to what the inner critic is saying and what the facts of the situation are.

So, enter this sign again, there are facts and everything else is drama. And this sign really brings home to me. It allows me to just get rid of all of the mental chatter. Because when I can do a thought download and then ask myself, what are the actual facts of the situation?

When I can do that, what happens is I realize that all of the self-loathing, all of the self-judgment, all of the self-doubt, all of the just negative thoughts, just go away. And I’m able to deal with the facts of the situation and say, okay, so, I tried to do X. I Didn’t succeed in doing X. I did Y instead. Is that a reason to actually feel this way?

The more we can call out our inner critic and recognize when she shows up, the more we can put her in her place, and move on with our lives. And not make our results mean something about us. Because what we’re talking about here is when we’re looking at the model, right? Our thoughts create our feelings. Our feelings create our actions. Our actions create our results.

How we think about those results are actually going to affect our future results. Right? Because how we think about those results will impact the next goal, and the next day, and the next week, and everything going forward.

So, if we can stop thinking poorly about our results. And instead, give ourselves compassion, give ourselves the understanding, and love that we need. And really just try to do better and look at the situation from nonjudgmental curiosity. Then, we can move forward and do better.

And so, I think that this lesson is actually really super important from a consistency standpoint. Because when we can learn from our past behaviors, from our past failures, then we can do better next time. All right?

So, it’s really difficult noticing when the inner critic shows up because she has been a bad roommate for us for years, and years, and years. And so, we really need to be onto her. And you know, even in this work that I’ve been doing for this amount of time, what’s really been fascinating is that she shows up in really sly ways.

And every time I have to be like, oh, that’s right, that’s my inner critic showing up again. And then, I learn and then I’m open to it, I’m able to see. But coaching yourself through this is actually going to be really super important for you. Because the more you can realize that how you talk to yourself is going to influence how you work in the future. The more your life is going to open up. All right?

That’s all I have for you in this video. I’ll see you in the next one.

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