Feel Good Sisterhood

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21.1 Self-Trust

Being Accountable to Yourself

One of the most important skills (yes, it is a skill) that you can learn when it comes to your health is the skill of being able to follow through on commitments that we make to ourselves – that when we say we’re going to do something – whether it’s with someone else or by ourselves, that we do it.

Self-Trust is something that we cultivate over time, and it happens in small doses. The way that we do it is two-fold:

  • Start small – make it super simple.
  • Only commit to things that you WANT to do – not things that you SHOULD do.

Transcript

Okay, so in this video, what I want to talk about is building self-trust. Now, building self-trust happens in two different phases. The first phase is learning how to follow through on your commitments to yourself. And then, the second phase or the second parallel phase, the second part to that is also learning how to talk to yourself. So, not listening to the inner critic and instead learning how to talk to yourself. Okay.

Let’s start with the first part first. What we want to do is we want to learn how to honor the commitments that we make to ourselves. And the way that we do this is by making very small commitments to ourselves.

So, for many of my clients, what I will often suggest is when they’re starting a movement routine, I will tell them, okay, so, what we’re going to do is you’re going to put on your shoes, and your exercise clothes, and you are going to walk to the end of your driveway and back. And you’re going to do those three days a week.

And they’re like, oh, but Elizabeth, that’s not enough. It’s not going to produce the result, but what that habit is doing, is it starting to build self-trust. It’s creating the commitment and then honoring the commitment, and that’s really super important. And so, if you can’t even do that, what we need to do is we need to scale it back a little bit.

And so, sometimes it’s just putting your shoes and socks on and walking out the door. And understanding that it’s the greater commitment to yourself that we’re building here, not necessarily needing to lose weight. Because if we can’t trust ourselves to follow through on the commitments, then we’re never going to be able to trust ourselves to make the commitments, and do the long, the more difficult work.

So, when we are building self-trust, again, the very first step is to make really small commitments to ourselves. Commitments that like you are thinking, well, if I can’t do that, then you know, of course I can do that. Okay. We need to make it really super simple.

Because many of us find that commitments to other people are more important than the commitments that we make to ourselves.

And so, we need to start becoming someone who is internally driven. If this is something, if your health, if your weight is something that is really important to you. You are going to need to put yourself on the list. And how you do that is by creating commitments to yourself and honoring those commitments.

If you’re only willing to commit to other people, then that’s going to be a problem because we can’t depend on other people in order to do the work that we find is important to ourselves. So, we need to become people who honor commitments to ourselves.

We need to have boundaries and we need to uphold those boundaries. If we don’t, we are in a world of hurt. You will never be successful in long-term weight loss because you need to be able to say, no, this is important to me. My health is important to me. Eating vegetables is important to me. Moving on a daily basis is important to me.

And yes, you are important to me too. But this is how I can serve you is through honoring and serving myself. So, that’s the first thing, as you are able to build those really small, super simple habits, and start to trust yourself, you can push the envelope just a little bit.

Now, here’s the thing. The second in tandem skill that you’re learning here is how to quiet that inner voice. So, on those days when you don’t honor the commitment to yourself, refuse to speak poorly to yourself. Okay.

We really need to knock out that inner critic and get rid of her because she’s not being helpful. What we need to do instead is what I’ve been talking about before, which is get curious. Why didn’t I do that? What got in the way? And really, refuse to let that inner critic voice into our heads, so that we can continue to honor the commitments that we make to ourselves.

So, those are the two skills that you need to cultivate. If you want to build the skill of having self-trust is first don’t bite off more than you can chew. So, if you think about a ladder, or if you think about going across a stream, and they’re tiny little steps, right? That’s going to be a lot easier to cross.

Then, if you have these big boulders that are further apart, you might be able to go across the stream in fewer jumps. But it’s going to take so much more effort going from one boulder to the next boulder.

So, be nice to yourself. Go across the stream, go cross the river of misery. Going from where you are today, to where you want to be, go in small steps. You’re going to get there. And if you can build this skill of being able to trust yourself and build the foundation of when I tell myself that I’m going to do something I actually follow through and doing it.

You are going to be way beyond anyone else in being able to do anything that you want. Not just losing weight but building a business or creating these projects. Like building the skill of self-trust is huge and it goes across all different areas of your life. This one is really going to pay you back. All right.

So, that’s all I have for you in this video. I’ll see you in the next one.

Resources & Links