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16.2 When Belief & Commitment Fade

Don’t give up

Although we would like to believe that once we believe, that we’ll always believe – but there are times when doubt will creep in. Here’s what to do.

Transcript

Okay so in this video, I want to talk about when belief and commitment fade. I know it’s not a pleasant topic but it’s a realistic one. Because belief and commitment, they’re not emotions but over time, they can either get better or they can get worse. And what determines our belief and commitment is what we say to ourselves on the other side of a result.

And so, there may be times when we really question, “gosh, can I do this? Is this going to be possible?” And there may be times when we’re wondering, is it really worth it? What is my commitment to this?

And what I want to share with you is that when that happens, first of all, I want you to pull out the five whys exercise that we did a few months ago. So, there’s an exercise called the 5 WHYs’. And when we start any journey, we want to ask ourselves, why do I want that? Okay.

So, why do I want to lose weight? I want to lose weight so that I fit into my clothes. Okay. So, why do I want to fit into my clothes? I want to fit into my clothes because I don’t want to have to go out and buy new ones. Okay. So, I don’t want to have to go buy new ones. Why don’t I want to have to go buy new ones? Because the clothes in my closet are perfectly fine. Why do I not want to buy new clothes? Because buying new clothes would mean that I’ve failed myself, or I just want to feel more confidence, and I don’t want to have to do those things. Okay.

So, why do I want to feel more confident? And the answer to that is I want to feel more confident so that I can you feel good about myself. Okay. So, when we get down to the bottom of the five Whys’ and everyone’s answer is going to be a little bit different but it’s usually going to be something that’s pretty emotional.

When we look at the five whys’, we can really get back to the reason that we started this journey in the first place. And so, what I want to suggest is that if you haven’t done the five why’s exercise yet, I’m going to invite you to do that. Because when we are failing in belief and commitment, our brain is not going to come up with the reasons of why we want to be successful.

Our brain is just going to come up with the reasons of, it doesn’t matter. Like, all I want to do is just give up. I want to alleviate the pain of whatever it is that we’re feeling at the time. It’s usually we feel like we’ve failed. And so, when we feel like we failed, feels terrible.

And so, what we want to do is we want to remind ourselves of why we’re doing this in the first place. And if we can have a really solid reason of why we’re doing it. Because we don’t want our knees to hurt, because we want to model for our children a good relationship with food. We want to feel proud of ourselves.

We want to do all of these things that we maybe want hike the mountains, or you want to go on an amazing trip, or you just want to get off diabetes medication. There are tons of different reasons that are worthwhile for wanting to lose weight that have nothing to do with appearance. And the more that we can tap into those reasons, the more commitment we’re going to have, and the more we can visualize our future self who has been successful, the more we can step into belief.

The things that are going to stop us from having belief and commitment are one, believing our own lies that we are a failure, that because we overate, or that because we ate more than one brownie or one brownie at all, or because we did this thing, or we didn’t do that thing that we are destined to not be successful.

And what I want to share with you is that the more you can start noticing, the less frequency of those failures, and the less intensity of those failures, that is actually progress. The more we can actually look at the facts of the situation and not believe our own brain drama of how terrible we are for doing something, the more we’re going to be successful.

And so, when you feel these failures coming on or the negative self-talk that we are failures, the first thing I’m going to suggest you do is write down all of the facts. What is it exactly that happened? I ate five cookies. Okay. I ate five cookies and a cup of ice cream. Okay.

So, I want you to really write down the facts of what happened, and then look at it, and then pretend that a friend of yours is telling you this same scenario. What would you tell her? Your daughter, your mother, your sister, someone that you love. That you don’t want to talk bad to. Right? So, we want to give her “you” the advice that you would give to a friend.

Now, the next piece is when we encounter the “eff-ITs”, you know what I’m talking about those times when we’re like, “oh, “eff” it, why am I doing this?” I just want to inhale an entire pizza. It happens to all of us.

But what I want to suggest is that the eff-its’ actually happened for a very short period of time. The eff-its’ really only happened for about 10 minutes. If you can get over those 10 minutes and get on the other side of it and start talking rationally to your brain. Then, you will be successful. Okay.

So, when you find yourself being like, “Ugh, why am I even bothering this with this?” This is just terrible. I’m never going to be successful. All of that negative self-talk, what I want you to do is I want you to get out a piece of paper and I want you to do a thought download. Okay. This is what we do when our belief and commitment failed.

I also want to invite you to do a thought download when your belief and commitment are strong. So that you can call on those words of wisdom, when you are feeling unsure like, “can I do this?” I want you to already have a pep talk in your back pocket for those times.

Now, the third thing that I want you to do is I want you to write yourself a letter from your future-self. Seriously, I want you to write a letter from your future-self. And in this letter, I want you to tell you -present day self, how happy you are? How grateful you are for your past self, your present self now that you have started this journey.

Because when you can really tap into that future version of yourself who has done this, who has it figured out on the other side, you can do nothing more than eat grateful for her. Because she understands what you’ve gone through. And she is so proud of you to have made these mistakes, to have felt the failure, and to pick up your boots, and put them on, and move along anyway.

So, expect that belief and commitment are going to paid. But the more you can believe in that future version of yourself. The version of yourself who has been successful, who knows it all already, the more you can tap into her, the more successful you’re going to be. I really wants you to get a hold of this, I really want to nail this home for you.

So, the more you can really rely on that future version of yourself and take direction from that board of directors, it’s going to be just amazing. All right?

That’s all I have for you in this video. I’ll see you in the next one.

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