Feel Good Sisterhood

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12.2 Feeling on Purpose

The Power to Create our Reality

We can’t feel anything that we’ve never felt before. So, if you’ve never felt love, you can’t create that for yourself. We have the power to recall emotions. With that skill, we then have the power to re-create that emotion regardless of the circumstances.

  • Feeling scared? Try to recall a time when you felt powerful
  • Feeling doubt? See if you can borrow confidence from another part of your life.
  • Feeling insecure? Try to embody independence.

And then using the model, try to tap into thoughts and beliefs that automatically create those feelings for you.

Transcript

All right, so in this video, we are finishing up our month on feelings. So, we started out talking about how feelings serve us, how life is 50% positive and 50% negative. We’re never going to be able to get rid of that. And through the rest of this program, I still want you to practice getting more comfortable feeling negative emotion.

It’s something that we’re not used to, but again, the more we can do that, the better we are going to be able to handle those negative emotions. And they’re not going to feel so bad. So, I want to point out that below in this video in this week, we have three different worksheets that I want to point out to you.

Now, the first one that I want to point out to you is called top three feelings. That worksheet is actually really helpful when it comes to observing. “Okay, what are the feelings that I’m used to experiencing and how do I want to change that moving forward?”

And that’s really the gist of this week’s material is getting out of old patterns and starting to create our future feelings on purpose. Now remember when we think about the feelings that we want to have in the future. You’re aware that life is still going to be 50-50. We are still going to have negative feeling.

So, if we cannot be happy, and joyous, and content all the time, we need to be aware and just be honest with ourselves that people are still going to irritate us. We’re still going to be frustrated with how long something takes, or we’re still going to have self-doubt, or fear, or judgment, or all of those things.

But it doesn’t have to be our primary feelings, especially if that’s how we’ve been conditioned to feel in our past. And we’ve been feeling that way for 40 some years. Right? So, what are the feelings that you choose on purpose? And then, the other worksheet that I want to point out to you is the power of emotion. So really, and hopefully you’ve already started to experience this a little bit when doing your unintentional models and then moving into an intentional model. Really being able to let go of that unintentional model, understanding that it’s just your brain, trying to keep you safe and feeling something better on purpose.

And then, the last worksheet is called the feelings you choose, which is all about what feelings positive and negative do we want to feel in the future? And of course, go ahead and take a look at that feeling list, point out all of the feelings that you want to experience on a more regular basis. Don’t forget to pick out negative feelings as well.

Now, I want to talk about when we are feeling something, we are generally feeling something because of either the past or we’re worrying about the future. And this I think is actually really important to point out right now is because nothing in the past has the power to control us today.

It’s just how we think about our past experiences that create the feelings in us today. And so, if you had an epic fail yesterday, you get to decide how you want to think about that today. So, like, for instance, let’s just do something silly. Let’s say that I fell in a party, okay. And everyone saw, I might feel really embarrassed about that. Right?

But I get to decide if I want to continue feeling that way or if I want to just let it go and decide, there’s nothing that I can do about it. There’s a really great phrase, which is you can’t un-ring a bell. And what that means is you can’t do anything about the past. And so, that inner critic that keeps going on in our brains about what happened in the past really is not helpful.

So, it’s your choice as to whether you want to continue believing those scripts that you have going on in your brain. You have complete control over whether you believe what other people say to you and you get to decide whether you want to tolerate that same sort of behavior from yourself.

You don’t have to. We think we do, but it’s just like having a bad roommate. We can decide that we are no longer available for the negative self-talk, for the beating up, for the inner critic.

When you have that negative, self-talk going on in your brain, all you have to say is the same thing that you would say to someone externally, someone who were saying terrible things to you. All you have to say is, “I’m not available for that right now.” And then, decide to think something different.

Now, that being said, when we talk about unintentional models in the past, we really focus on the negative unintentional models. And the reason for that is because the majority of our thoughts are actually negative. So, our brain has like 85% of negative thoughts, and we really have to practice positive thoughts in order to outweigh the negative thoughts. So, I want to offer that you can do unintentional models on positive feelings as well.

And the advantage to doing this is that when you do it, you can then use those thoughts as positive proof for when you’re feeling negatively. So, like, for example, let’s say that something terrific just happened to you. Maybe you just got promoted at work or something really amazing just happened.

So, you can do a thought download on all of those amazing things. So, everything that your brain is coming up with in terms of why it’s a fantastic experience. And then, when you have a negative experience, you can look and pull at that positive unintentional model. And what’s great about that is that you can see that those thoughts are available to you because you actually wrote them down.

And so, when we want to shift from a negative feeling into a positive or a more empowering one, then we can call on those other thoughts that we’ve had before in the past that make us feel better.

Now, when we’re thinking about the future, what I want to offer is that we want to visualize, we want to use visualization techniques in order to create a better experience of our future. And so, here’s what I mean by that. So, let’s say that I’m an introvert and I get invited to a party. So, I have thoughts about that, right?

Like, no one’s going to want to talk to me, and this is going to be so awkward, and all of those other things that introverts have when they walk into a space where they know very few people, or they just don’t feel comfortable. Now, if we do a model on this is going to be so awkward, we know what the outcome, what the result is going to be, that we are going to make the experience awkward.

But what if I can do a little bit of visualization ahead of time where I can imagine myself thinking more empowered thoughts? Like, you know what? This is an awkward at all. I feel comfortable in this room. And really trying to believe that, and also being aware that feeling awkward, isn’t the worst thing in the world.

Again, it’s just an emotion and it’s totally okay. What’s the worst thing about that emotion is the thoughts that are going along with it, thinking everyone can tell that I feel awkward, everyone can tell that I feel uncomfortable, and they don’t want to come talk to me, and all of those other negative thoughts.

And so, if we can practice going into that situation in a more empowered position, then, when we actually do the thing, when we go to the party, it’s actually going to feel much more comfortable. We can do the same thing when it comes to being afraid that people are going to judge us, or having self-doubt, or any of those other feelings that we have that really don’t serve us. Not feeling like we belong or feeling just uncomfortable with the situation.

And so, be aware that the more you can walk through a situation and prepare yourself for not only the negative feeling, but then also what are some of the thoughts that I can think that can like push that negative feeling aside and make me feel a little bit more comfortable. Okay?

So, that’s all I have for you in this video, go ahead and do those worksheets. If you want to start practicing more empowered feelings. And then, next month, we’re going to be talking about belief and commitment. And so, this is going to dovetail really well with our next month content. All right?

That’s all I have for you right now.

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