On Facebook, I’m in a group of 10,000+ women. few months ago, one member wrote, ” Did you ever feel like you didn’t belong anywhere?” There were almost 400 comments from other women agreeing. It broke my heart, but realized how much I wasn’t alone in this.
So, first thing I want to do is I want to commend you on joining this program. Joining a program that you may or may not know me, you definitely don’t know what this program is about because I’ve never run it before. And you don’t know any of the other women in this program.
And as much as that can be very freeing, it can also be very intimidating because I know from experience that there’s a lot of questions that come in when you go into a new experience like this.
One being, am I going to fit in? Am I going to belong? And so, what I want to do is I want to tell you a story about my own experience of seeking out belonging. Because for a really long time, that was the story of my life that I didn’t belong, I didn’t belong anywhere.
And what happened is that I created my own reality. I felt very alone, and when we feel alone, we don’t create connection and we don’t get the full experience of what we could. What life is about is really building relationships.
And I want to create a very safe space for all of us here in this group to feel comfortable, being vulnerable, because when we feel vulnerable, that’s when learning happens. And when we feel safe, then we can open up and we can figure out what’s going on with us?
Why am I unable to do the things that I want to be able to do?
And so, as women, we have been groomed or socialized to seek approval. And so much of our lives, we are looking for other people to reinforce that what we are doing is correct. That what we are doing is the thing that we should be doing.
And what happens is as a result, we don’t follow our internal guidance system. We reject our own intuition because we have been taught that what we want, either isn’t important or it isn’t good. And so, we need to seek out the approval of other people because one of the basic human experiences is being rejected from the herd, not wanting to be rejected.
And so of course, we’re going to do everything that we can in order to be part of the community. And as women what’s happened is we figure it out that we need other people’s approval. And so, there’s a difference between fitting in and belonging. When we fit in, it means that there isn’t anything really wrong with us, we’ve been accepted into the pack.
But that doesn’t necessarily mean that we feel a sense of belonging. When we feel a sense of belonging, what happens is we are like, “I get you and you get me,” like, we have this connection.
And again, for much of my life, I didn’t feel like I had belonging. Like I never felt like there was someplace that I could really call home and relax.
And it wasn’t until I went through coaching on this myself that I realized that this was just a story that I had been perpetuating. I don’t want to say that I made it up, but there are specific events in my childhood that kind of created this experience for myself. And in doing so, I just created this story that I didn’t belong and what happened is it actually became a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So, as a result in this program, I want you to know that you belong here. All of you, all 100% of you, you belong in this program, and you are wanted here.
And so, if you ever feel like, “oh, I don’t know if I belong.” I have a worksheet below this video that I want you to fill out. And know that if you choose to belong to the group, that’s all you need to do is decide that you belong here because you do.
That’s all I have for you right now. I’ll see you in the next video.