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Forgiveness

It isn’t what we think it is

Use the meditation below to forgive yourself, forgive your body, or forgive another so that you can release the energy attached to holding on to what happened.

Transcript

All right, so in this video, what I want to talk about is forgiveness. And I remember when, I don’t want to say, “learned about forgiveness.” But traditionally, how we think about forgiveness is that when we forgive someone, we are absolving that person from any wrongdoing. And what I want to do today is I want to suggest that we don’t have to think about forgiveness that way.

Few years ago, I had a really close friendship that broke down. We had a breakup. And it really threw me for a loop. Looking back on that situation, it was very devastating at the time, and it took me a really long time to process my emotion on it.

So, when we go back to the module on emotions, I was trying to intentional model my way out of feeling bad about that relationship. And sometimes our emotions just need to work themselves out.

And so, I felt hurt, I felt betrayed, I felt confused, I felt a lot of negative emotions about this breakup. I had a lot of self-doubt and self-criticism about my role in it. And ultimately, what happened is I allowed myself to feel all of the feelings. And then, I asked myself, okay, what do I want to do going forward?

And I think that this is really important because that is ultimately what forgiveness is about. I didn’t want to hang on to those old feelings and those old thoughts anymore. When we talk about forgiveness, what we’re doing is we are not absolving the other person from any wrongdoing.

We are not trying to sweep what happened under the rug. We do not have to go back to how that relationship was before the event happened. What we’re doing is we’re saying, I am not allowing that event, those emotions to take up any more space, and energy in my thought process in my life anymore. I want to let it go.

Forgiveness is about you. Forgiveness is about letting go of all of that. It’s letting go of the judgment that that person was wrong or that I was wrong. Many of us have judgements on ourselves and we need to forgive ourselves in the process. I have a really great meditation below that I’m going to share with you all about forgiving yourself. Okay.

But we can also forgive other people. And again, this does not mean that what they did was correct. All it means is I don’t want to think about it anymore. I don’t want to have it dictate my future actions.

And so, we do not have to go back into relationship with that person. Or if we do choose to have a relationship with that person, it doesn’t have to be the same relationship that it was. We can renegotiate that. We can decide what a relationship with that person looks like based on that.

And so, with this friend that I was telling you about, eventually I got to the point where I was like, you know what? I don’t want to think about this. I don’t want to deal with it anymore. And so, I’m just going to forgive it. It still happened. I owned up to my part in the breakup and I didn’t blame her for anything, but I decided that I wasn’t going to just let it take up any more energy.

And so, my next problem was well, but I don’t want to go back to how things were. I mean, We were really close, and I didn’t want that. And so, I realized that I didn’t have to. I could decide that this relationship was going to look like whatever I wanted it to.

And so, that’s what happened. It’s not again, saying that what I did was right, what she did was right. But it’s really just looking at the facts of the situation and deciding, okay, this happened, it doesn’t have to mean anything about me. It doesn’t have to mean anything about them. And now that I know that that happened, I know how I can trust that person moving forward or not trust them for that matter.

When it comes to forgiveness, again, what we’re talking about here is that forgiveness is all about us and letting go of those judges.

Now, I’ve been talking about relationship with others, but let me go back and circle back to relationship with yourself.

Our inner critic is constantly telling us that we are terrible people. And that we shouldn’t have done this, we shouldn’t have done that.

And so, what I’m going to invite you to do in an exercise to forgive yourself is first of all, listen to that meditation on forgiving yourself. You can forgive your body. That’s a really good option as well.

And really get to a place where you forgive everything in the past. You forgive what you did to your body. You forgive your body for retaliating, right? For gaining weight, or for getting injured, or whatever it is that you feel resentment to your body about.

And then, I would invite you to write out all of the reasons why you have been wronged by your brain, by your body, by yourself, what you’ve done in the past. And then, be willing to just accept it as fact. Right? Because they are facts. Your actions were facts. What you said were facts. But really trying to give yourself permission to let it go.

This goes back to the Kristin Neff stuff from last week of having compassion for yourself. So, really trying and being willing to forgive yourself, not make it mean anything about who you are. And then, also being willing to move forward with yourself. So, just like you forgive someone else, you can do that with yourself. All right.

So, let’s see. Forgiveness, again, what it is, is it’s letting go of any mind drama. What it isn’t is saying that what happened was okay. It’s just saying what happen, happened and accepting it as fact.

And then, third is we want to do this so that we can just get rid of all of that mind chatter. That inner critic who’s over there, just barking. Forgiving yourself is going to be such a huge gift in being able to move forward and doing better. All right.

That’s all I have for you in this video. I’ll see you in the next one.

Resources & Links

esherman68 · Module 2 Forgiveness