So, in this video, I want to talk about expectations. And I have some notes, so if you see me looking down, I just want to let you know that I wanted to make sure that I got all of this right, because it’s important.
So, women who come to me are usually at the point where they’ve done every single diet out there. They’ve purchased every workout program supplement, and nothing is working anymore, and this maybe you.
And if, it is you, I want to have a conversation about our expectations. Expectations about what you’re going to receive in this program, expectations that you have about yourself and that you have about your body.
And in this program, I am going to give you a ton of information and hopefully I’ll be challenging you in a way about how you think about food, and how we’ve been taught to think about our bodies as women, and what being thin means, and what being fat means, and all of those types of things.
And so, my intent, when we talk about these things in the conversation of the group, it may come across that I am coming from a place of confrontation. And I want you to know that I’m not being confrontational.
However, my intent is to do this with love because I want us to really think about what it means to be a woman in this world and live in a body that is not perfect by societal standards.
And so, because of that, we may need to challenge some of our beliefs; beliefs that we didn’t even have a choice in; beliefs that were imprinted on us by parents, or teachers, or cousins, or aunts, or uncles, or grandparents, or whoever was around us.
See, what happens is as young children, we take on the beliefs of the people around us. And right now, we all grew up in a time when people talked about other people’s weight all the time. And it wasn’t even like gauche, right? That people would just comment about, “oh, that person’s fat,” and make it mean something about them.
And so, I really want to explore that within our community and really dig in and figure out. Because when we have so much fear about being a larger size, it’s almost like that fear becomes a magnet for us. And when we fear being this larger size, and food is the thing that we blame that we make responsible for us being that larger size.
We then have a really tentative and terrible relationship with food because then we blame food for making us fat or not the size that society believes that we should be. And who’s to say that there’s one size fits all when it comes to beauty standards? But then the other piece is when we have this terrible relationship with food, but food is delicious, and we need food in order to live. Then, you know, it just changes, it just creates a win-lose, lose-lose rather relationship.
The expectations of this course are again, if you see that we’re going to be challenging some beliefs, just know that we’re coming from a place of love, all right? I know that sounds weird.
But the other thing is I want to give you all of the tools and resources that I have available to me when you need them, I have a lot. And if you’re looking through the site right now, you may get overwhelmed. That is not my intent, I want you to kind of put your blinders on for this course and only do what I’m going to be spoon-feeding you.
Now, the other thing about that is putting your blinders on is we have a bunch of other women in this program.
Some women may be moving at a more rapid pace, some women may be moving at a slower pace. Do not or rather please resist the urge to compare yourself to the other women. This is not a competition; we all are on a different path. And so really resist the urge to say, this person is doing better than me.
And then the subsequent, what you make that mean about you as a result? That your body is broken, that you are doing it wrong, that you’re not doing it good enough. So, I’m going to give you all of these resources.
Now, here’s an expectation that I have of you. I need you to advocate for yourself, and what that means is when something isn’t working for you? I need you to raise your hand and say, “Hey, Elizabeth, I need help,” or “Hey, community, I need help.”
Even if you don’t know what that help is that you need. I need you to raise your hand because so often when we get confused and when we don’t know what we need, we slink away, and we hide. And if there’s one thing that’s not going to produce results for you, it’s slinking away and hiding and becoming shameful.
So, my expectation for you is that you raise your hand when you need help and say, “I need help.” I will do the rest; I’ll ask you questions; what do you mean by that? Are we talking about, do you need procedural help? Do you need help in figuring something out? Is it a perspective? Is it something that’s getting in your way? Do you have an obstacle? Do you have a barrier? Like, what is it? Let me help you.
Now, we women do not like doing that and I’m going to tell you that, that’s a bunch of BS. We need to stand up and get what’s ours. So, you’re going to get a little dose of feminism in this course too.
Now, if you’re having a problem, it probably means that someone else is having that same problem. If you don’t understand something, someone else is probably not understanding that too. So again, raise your hand, say I don’t get it. Let me explain and let me do it in a way that is better for you.
Now, let’s talk about the expectations that you have for yourself during this program. You’re probably thinking that you’re going to be perfect. Do all the work and be my star client. And I want to let you in on a little secret. I don’t have that expectation of you. In fact, I expect that you’re going to fail, and I expect that you’re going to fail a lot.
Now, before you get upset about that, I want to let you know that failure is actually your key to success. And I know we have an aversion to failure in western culture. We don’t like failure, but here’s the thing. When we are learning, when we are doing something new, we are going to make mistakes.
Now, unfortunately, we’ve been taught through schooling that making mistakes is bad. But I want to offer you that the idea of making mistakes and screwing up is only bad if we don’t learn anything from it.
That said, what I do expect, and we’re going to be talking about this a lot in the program. One, that you look at your failures and mistakes, not as meaning anything about you and your ability to succeed. Who you are as a person, or how good, or not good this program is? But rather look at your mistakes through the lens of curiosity.
If something went wrong, we need to look at it and investigate. Why did it happen? And then the next time that same situation occurs, we’ll have a better way of managing it and figuring out how to make it work for you.
Now, the second part to this is resilience is the ability to recover after a setback. And so, the less you make failure means something about you or something terrible, and you just get up and refocus, the more successful you will be with this work.
Now, let’s move on to the expectations that you have on your body.
As I mentioned, most women come to me as a last resort. They’re chronic dieters, and I cannot guarantee weight loss. But hopefully you already know that. Now, if you identified as a chronic dieter, we need to establish trust between your body and brain before it’ll start to lose weight. You may not lose weight within the first few months.
That’s why this is a six month program so that you can relax and lean into learning how to listen to your body. Learn how to establish trust with your body and improve your relationship with your body and food. Again, if others in the group are losing weight at a more rapid rate than you are, it will be tempting to start looking for other diets or cut calories. I ask, please do not do that.
And in fact, on social, I’m going to suggest that you unfollow all diet related people or programs. Because that’s just going to crowd in or it’s going to cloud your judgment.
Also, if you see a friend or acquaintance online who has lost weight, doing some sort of fad diet. It’s going to be really hard to think that doing what they’re doing is going to make you happier.
And I want to let you know that it’s not. I want to invite you to put your blinders on and focus on you and what you can control. Do not compare your progress to anyone else in this program, it’ll only leave you feeling terrible.
That said, my goal for this program, isn’t for you to get to your goal weight within the next six months.
My goal for this program is to get you to a point where you have established habits and your relationship with food and your body is at a point where you feel confident that if you keep doing what it is that you’re doing, your success is inevitable. And I just have one more point to make that you are 100% responsible for your results.
Now, that may be a little bit jarring because in Western society, we have coupled responsibility with fault. If you hit my car, it’s your fault and therefore your responsibility to fix it. But let’s say that one day you wake up, you open your front door and overnight someone has put a baby on your front doorstep.
It’s not your fault that the baby is there, but it is now your responsibility to take care of it. Your genetics are not your fault. Your health problems and injuries may not be your fault. Food allergies, your metabolism, getting older are all things that are not your fault. Even though fault and responsibility are coupled, they are not the same and thinking they are will not serve you.
When I have the attitude that it’s not my fault, that my family genetics are that I have high cholesterol or that I’m overweight or that I have food allergies. So, therefore there’s nothing I can do about it. You’re saying it’s not my fault and so therefore it’s not my responsibility either.
But if you can change your thinking around that and say, instead of it’s not my fault, but rather my body is my responsibility. Then you learn how to work with your body instead of trying to make it comply and be something that it’s incapable of being.
And then, you’ll stop resenting your body and become more compassionate towards it because the body that you’re in right now is the only one you have. So, I would like you to take 100% responsibility for your body and everything that you do in this program.
In the resources section, there’s a workbook that I would love to invite you to look at. It’s called being coachable. And I have four questions for you that I want you to answer in the slack homework channel.
Number one, and I’m going to put these in the in the text below this video. Number one is what are the results I want to get from coaching with Elizabeth? Or what results do I want to get from the Feel Good Sisterhood?
Number two is how will I measure them? And I have a video on measuring results. So, how will I know that what I’m doing is working? So, scale, pictures, measuring tape, article of clothing, strength, speed, or test results.
Number three, how can I take responsibility for creating those results?
And number four, what beliefs do I need to have or create about myself in order to get what I came for?
Now, one last thing that I have for you, I have a request, it’s not an expectation. So please, if something feels off for you, again, if you need anything, please bring it to the group. If it’s on a day with the call, fantastic. If it’s not, bring it to the community. Your brain is going to come up with all sorts of reasons why this isn’t working.
And it may start as a niggling feeling that you just can’t put your finger on. But if left alone, it’s going to grow and it’s going to fester. If you stay silent, we can’t help. So, part of this program is teaching you how to get what you want and what you need.
So, that also means, how you advocate for yourself? Just post it in the group and all you have to say again is something isn’t right, and I need help.
So, that’s all I have for you in terms of expectations. I am so excited that you’re here. I hope you are too.